Feb 05 2009
The Wild, Wild Party
Kate took me along with her to a church lock-in she said would be a lot of fun. She told me that the Unitarians don’t care what your orientation is, how you dress, or what you believe. Just that you get along. I loved the idea of it. While there I ended up becoming friends with a boy named Brandon. We had so much fun talking and getting to know each other that we ended up sleeping against one another on the couch. I was worried I’d never see him again, but it turns out he went to the role-playing group I later joined.
Yes, I was a LARPer. That’s Live Action Role Playing for you normals. There was a Vampire: the Masquerade game at the college near my house and a bunch of friends took me along when they realized how into vampires I was. I became super addicted to the game. It gave me the freedom to explore sides of myself I was afraid to embrace in my daily life. I met loads more people just like me. I had a great time escaping reality. It was just what I needed.
Brandon and I would keep in contact online when we weren’t at the game. We would use our character names as cover for our forbidden flirting. He wrote me a few sweet poems, and I told him a bit about my situation. He went to a different school and was unhappy he couldn’t be there for me. Eventually his birthday came around and I was invited. It was to be a large coed sleepover with no chaperons. For some reason my parents let me go. Kate drove us there. There was a big table laid out with everything delicious imaginable. There was also a house rule that no one was allowed to feed themselves. Instantly the party became something more. Brandon had already had me hooked on a musical called RENT that I didn’t know existed. I’d memorized the words to La Vie Boheme. At the party I realized I was there surrounded by fellow bohemians who wouldn’t judge. There were gay, straight, and bisexuals. People from many walks of life who all believed in the same basic principles of truth and acceptance. It was liberating. And there, across town from my worries, I figured out how to free myself.
Brandon and I ended up making love that night. It was wonderful in many, many ways. There was a part of me that feared the fallout, a part of me that didn’t want to be a cheater, but overall I was happy. Happy because I was giving myself freely. There had been no begging, no sleazy advances, no hint of anything other than two kids with raging hormones. I felt like I had won something back of myself.
Amusingly enough, later that same night I walked in on Brandon making love to a boy named Logan who was also at the party. Brandon and I had made it clear before we’d fooled around that we weren’t going to try for any sort of relationship, so I wasn’t upset. It was the next morning when Brandon tried to say they weren’t doing anything that I got upset. I couldn’t understand why someone who had taught me about freedom and understanding would lie about something that didn’t even matter. Eventually he admitted it and apologized. Logan and I ran into each other again a few years later and he’s still one of my best friends. More on that story when we come to it. Brandon and I were never sexually together again, but the friendship remains.
After the party all that was left was to figure out how to tell Jay.
