modernsex

Of course we ended up dating.

Virgil had only had one girlfriend before me, so save a few kisses I got to be his tutor.  I think some part of me needed his purity.  I felt safe with him because I knew he would never try anything I didn’t initiate.  It helped me feel clean again to be with him.  I quickly took him along the bedroom Olympics until all that was left was the Deed itself.  I was able to show him the female form and all the right ways to treat it, which he did with impressive skill.  Once he laid me down on a bed of pillows and kept me in ecstasy for hours to John Mayer’s ‘Room for Squares’ album.  I still get tingles when I hear those songs.  He was also deliciously endowed, so I was looking foward to finally learning what it would feel like in all the right places.

To my surprise he declined.  He wasn’t ready.  He didn’t feel like he could handle the final step and all the consequences that could arise.  It was responsible and mature.  I admired his resolve and courage.  It drove me crazy with desire and confusion.  I didn’t realize how rewired my brain was from Jay’s manhandling.  I was programmed to believe that sex=love.  The fact that Virgil didn’t want to have sex with me played havoc with my self-doubt.  Was it because I wasn’t a virgin?  Did I want it too much?  Was he loosing interest?  Am I too fat?  Logical thought didn’t enter in to it.  He never gave me any reasons to believe any of those things.  As a matter of fact, he kept me supplied with plenty of evidence to the contrary.

But I was damaged goods.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS