modernsex

This time my silence was due to sorting out some visa issues.  No, not the credit card, the thing that keeps me in the country.  Things seem to be going well.  I’ve passed the required test and now I have to send off my paperwork with a load more money (again) so that I never have to go through any of this again.  Unless I want to take my husband home to *my* country.  Heh.  Anyway, Sorry.  It couldn’t be helped.

Back to Virgil.  He never gave me a single reason to believe anything was wrong.  He was so superior a boyfriend that many female friends found themselves with more than a passing fancy for him.  Partly because of my past, partly because they were all so young and pretty, partly because we had yet to “go all the way,” my insecurities became unbearable.  I started accusing him of wanting to leave me and verbally bashing myself to no end.  I became jealous and suspicious of people we knew.  At some point I started cutting myself to try and deal with the inner pain.  It became to much for him, and he had no option but to let my predictions come true.   He said he still wanted to be my friend, but that he just didn’t know how to deal with me.  I couldn’t blame him.

Unfortunately he got suckered in by some pompous diva who ended up taking over his life.  He cut off contact not just with me, but with the vast majority of his friends.  I couldn’t believe he could be so cold to everyone close to him.    I had an overloaded college schedule, a demanding job, an unstable father, and suddenly found myself the target of a nasty stalking lie.  I had to return to our high-school for teaching assistant credits in one of my courses.  This was twisted around into something sinister and I was unable to finish my time.   This insult to my injury coupled with all my other stresses made things unbearable.  I crumbled.  I withdrew from life and eventually lost the will to live.

I’m skimming this story and cutting out as much drama as I can without sacrificing the importance and scope of my fall.  In the years Virgil and I were out of contact there would be lies, backstabbing, intrigue, and many other words that sound exciting unless you’ve actually been through it.  Friends became enemies.  The diva exposed herself as a vicious lunatic.  My name was cleared.  Thanks to friends, family, therapy, and medication I healed.  I was able to become myself again and distance myself from all of the bad things.

But I never stopped loving him, and I resigned myself to a life incomplete.  I knew I could find happiness again, but it would never be as golden as it could have been.  I missed him in my life.

Turns out a few years can change everything.